I’m sure that by now, many of you know my secret vice, my guilty pleasure, my all-too-real addiction… I’m a Crime Show JUNKIE. Give me a comfortable couch, my cat asleep beside me and hours and hours and hours of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, Bones, Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, NCIS, you name it! and I’m happy-happy-happy.
I have been knowing for some time that I spend far too much of my life watching these shows. I can lose hours watching them, completely enthralled in them, eagerly anticipating the next one. But, it isn’t only that I’m wasting my life away by watching CSI after CSI after CSI, I have also begun to think that they are having a profound and very direct effect on my mind, my mood and my outlook on the world.
I’ve been in love with Crime Shows for many years now, before it was really even “cool”. I remember a keen eagerness to get home from school as soon as possible so that I could watch In the Heat of the Night (I had a bit of a crush on Bubba). So, to say that this has been a part of my life for awhile now is an understatement.
But, how much of an effect has it had on me, perhaps without my even knowing it for all these years? To be clear, I know that these shows are fiction. I know that the characters aren’t real and that the plotlines featured in each episode aren’t really happening. But, in today’s world… they COULD happen. I also know that. But, seeing all of this crime on TV, killing, monster-people doing horrible things, people being kidnapped, tortured, children being abused, etc. is troublesome, whether I enjoy the program or not.
Two nights ago, I was watching a CSI-marathon. I won’t go into the particular details of the show but I have not been able to shake it. I’ve dreamed about it, thought about it, felt for the character, even though he isn’t actually real. It has weighed heavily on my mind.
And I don’t need that.
I also don’t need it toying with the trust that I have for people. After watching literally hundreds of these shows, I find myself wondering who I can trust and who I can’t. That is craziness. As my Mother says, either I trust them or I don’t and I want to opt to trust. I don’t want to constantly wonder if someone close to me, someone who deserves my trust and has done nothing for me to take it back, will do something heinous to me, just because I watch too much Crime TV. Yes, it would be accurate to say that all of the shows I’ve seen have made me paranoid. Definitely.
I would much prefer to be a bit naive, I guess. I would much prefer to trust the people who deserve it, think good of people I know, not dishonor them by wondering outlandish things such as the ones put into my head by these shows, give this world the benefit of the doubt (in a sensible manner of course). Sadly, ten Law & Orders in one night does not a trusting frame of mind make, at least not for me.
But, I think it is a good revelation, one that ties in nicely with my Resolutions for 2007. I don’t have to watch Crime TV to relax. I can watch a movie, a nice foreign film, or read a book, or create. There should be myriad options to take up that time, options that will do infinitely more good for my mind and spirit than CSI would (sigh…).
So, as much as it will pain me to not watch Bones tomorrow night, I won’t. Booth and Bones will just have to carry on without me, I fear.
And I, hopefully much happier and more trusting, will carry on without them as well.