Contrary to what it is SUPPOSED to be doing, this yoga is getting me down, and not down onto the mat, I fear.
For practice #2 last night, I did a Baron Baptiste abdominal routine (yes, another DVD) and that was a good thing as I’ve resolved to develop more strength and tone in my abs and back. Support in that area is good, not to mention it would be nice to have a flat midregion. The ab routine wasn’t long – about 12 minutes – and the whole time I was thinking to myself, “You schmuck… why is this ALL that you are doing? You should have started earlier and done MORE MORE MORE MORE!” (The ab routine was again taking place at about 10:00 p.m. I wasn’t about to launch into a series of Sun Salutations.) By the time I got finished with my ab routine, I had beaten myself up so bad mentally that I may as well not have done it at all. All I could think was how much more I had done.
And for practice #2… well, there was no practice #3 today.
I’m beginning to realize that until I can get over this yoga guilt that I feel, this overwhelming feeling of never doing it well enough or long enough or early enough or with enough gusto, I will NEVER truly be able to get as much from my practice as I know I could. Until I get past this, somehow, I won’t be able to really have a yoga practice, the disciplined feeling of yoga being a regular part of my day.
So then, maybe, in my own way, I did do yoga today by coming to that realization. Now, I just have to make peace with that realization, forgive myself for my past transgressions on (and off) the mat and move forward. That may be considerably harder to do that it is to write about but I’m willing to give it a shot.
Isn’t recognizing the problem half the battle? We’ll see.