I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
It seems like I’ve not cried for months. Maybe even years. But there was an occurrence yesterday – two occurrences actually – that rattled and upset me and compounded the stress I have been feeling for more than awhile now. I didn’t know I was going to cry and the actual thing that happened really wasn’t enough to make me cry. But, right after it happened, I called my Mom and the instant I heard her voice, I broke into a cry unlike any I’ve had in a very long time.
The kind where you can’t speak or draw a breath.
The kind where your whole entire body – inside and out – convulses.
The kind where every speck of make-up you have on is gone in an instant.
The kind that completely wears you out.
The kind that we all need from time to time.
My precious Mother listened on the other end and gave me the presence and the silence that I needed at that moment and then asked if she could bring me something to eat. And, the tears subsided and I felt some relief.
Later in the afternoon, my friend Lisa called and, as suddenly as they had come on with my Mother, the tears came on with her too.
And then my best friend Tracy called this morning and the tears visited again.
I know that I needed the release and I’m thankful for it.
What really made me think, however, were the people with whom my tears felt safe enough to flow around. My tears knew who would love me anyway and respect my tears and the minute those people showed up (even though they were all on the phone), my tears took the opportunity and freed themselves.
And I’m left lighter and a bit calmer and so thankful that my tears reminded me of the blessing of these amazing people in my life.
Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow. ~Rita Schiano