Epic Shit.

Here’s a confession:

I buy things to soothe myself.  I buy things to have something to look forward to in the mail.  I buy things because I think the perfect “thing” will make me the person I want to be.  I buy things because I like instant gratification.  I buy things because I think (certain) things will make me happy.  I buy things just for the helluvit.

Basically, I just buy.

I mentioned doing an “Epic Shit” post but this isn’t the one I originally had in mind.  This is a “Don’t Buy EPIC SHIT” post.  And currently, I do.

I think this all came to a head after I got back from my little modular vacation on Sunday.  The Mazda was packed down.

My lens was fogged up from the heat so you can't see it very well but you can still probably see what I'm talking about.

Now, let me be clear and say that more than half of what I bought on my trip is to sell.  So, that is good but it still must all go into my house and live there until it sells.  And, I’m sure it goes without saying that I also bought things for myself too.  Things NOT to sell.

By the end of the trip, I was literally burned out on spending money.  I was sick of it, ready to get home and just be.  But, even now that I’m home, I still feel icky about spending money, as odd as that sounds.

I think this has to do with the confession above.  It seems like there is always something else I want, this pair of yoga pants or that or some new kitchen gadget or a cool new pair of shoes or some outfit that will really put me on the path of “my style” or whatever.

Always.
Something.

And, the truth of the matter is that I really have all that I need.  I have far too many clothes, a nice house, a nice car, food (even though I really do need to go grocery shopping), etc.  So, what is it then?  What is it that I think I can buy that will make all that better somehow?

I don’t like to make excuses but I don’t think Pinterest or Etsy help much at all.  I see things there that I want and, all too often, end up buying.  But, this really only tells me that I need to practice more restraint and a lot more contentment with what I have.  It also tells me that I need to stick to the person that I am and stop trying to buy what I think will make me like another person, what will make me somehow better than I think I currently am.  (Did that statement make sense?)

I think what jeeves me out the most is that I know there is something underlying here.  What is the true root of this issue?  It could be any number of things.

My personality has changed so profoundly in the past two years, and not all of the change has been good.  And I know that.  And yet, I don’t know why.  But, I do think that this spending issue is part of it.  I just wish I knew how.

So, what am I going to do about it?  I don’t know.  I could take on a month-without-spending or cash only or something of that nature but I’m not.  Not yet.  I would like to know if anyone else deals with this and HOW you deal with it.  Insight is most welcome.

And this has nothing at all to do with the nation’s economy or being broke.  And I’m not looking for tips on ways to save.  I have very little debt (almost none) and my monthly bills are pared down just about as much as they can be, by choice.  I have just begun to really dislike the fact that spending has become my recreation.

Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers.  ~ William Wordsworth

So, there it is.  How is that for laying it all out there?  Would love to know if anyone else feels this way.

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10 thoughts on “Epic Shit.

  1. I’m the same way, although I never buy clothes. I do much better with handmedowns than stuff I buy and never wear.

    There is the matter of other things, though. Like yarn. Gadgets. Accessories.

    I make myself prune the shit on a semi regular basis, or it gets to be too much.

  2. I don’t have any words of wisdom. I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the last couple of years too. I’ve picked up some bad habits but also some good habits. I have things I really want to change. I feel like my life is good but I have been really struggling to find something within myself, if that makes sense. Maybe it’s something in the universe, maybe it’s our age. I don’t know but I can empathize.

  3. I can empathize too. I love the mail. Love getting “gifts”(even though I’m paying for them). I spend more on my house than I do on myself, and that is how I rationalize it, but, that’s just an excuse. For me, some of it is boredom. I find myself shopping more when I have nothing going on. It gives me something to do and something to look forward to. Your not alone KB. But, it’s awesome that your aware of it and your looking for a solution…..xoxoxo

  4. Hi sweetie,

    There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things to surround us and reflect who we are. I can understand what you’re saying about compulsive buying. If, surrounded by the beautiful things that you have, your spending causes guilt, it is not serving you well.

    I do not buy a lot. But I do treat myself to things which have memories attached that make me smile and remember happy times. Like when I travel or teach yoga in a new city. I buy something that reminds me of that day or period (I also keep travel tickets, concert & cinema tickets etc).

    I LOVE photographs. I can indulge in as many of these as I like guilt free! They make my home beautiful and make me smile when I see them 😉 They also show how I change, not physically, but in the things I do during different periods.

    I also love sending and receiving ‘proper post’. There’s something so wonderful about receiving a handwritten note or trinket from a loved friend. I have boxes of letters, cards and photos – some over 20 years old – that I view at regular intervals which bring me joy. I scatter gifts around my home too. These objects have more meaning than I can ever buy.

    When I buy a new dress (it’s usually dresses that I buy for me. I love vintage dresses, because they are like a piece of history.) I ask, is it as unique and will it be adored by me as much as my current favourite dress. If not, I don’t buy. If I do buy, I sell or give away at least one of my old dresses.

    I make a lot of my jewellery now and get joy from the process and compliments I receive on my own creations. I clear out my wardrobe with the change of seasons and de-clutter. One bag to sell, one to keep and one for charity.

    Just a few ideas for you to think over. I’m no expert but hope my thoughts will be helpful in some way.

    Love to you, KB

    Cat x

  5. I can relate to so much in your post! I buy for me, for my son, for my hubs for the house. AND, I like to buy in multiples. If I see a shirt I like, I will buy it in 2 colors. I am on Etsy everyday to run my shop and too often to browse and shop. I am new to Pinterest and I can tell it is dangerous. (and I follow you on there and LOVE almost everything you pin)
    For me the biggest shopping deterrent is summer. I am a teacher and take all my pay checks during the school year so by August the savings account starts to shrivel. I try to remind myself that I live a happy, comfortable life and I don’t really “need” anything else. I guess I have no advice, just comforting to know there are others out there like me!

  6. spending is my recreation..from buying groceries, to finding a good deal on toiletries…if I’m having a bad day, i love, love, love to go dig through the Goodwill..but, I will also go when I don’t have money to spend and I will just enjoy looking at the things..
    Do you think it comes with age? I have always liked shopping, but I seem to really enjoy it more than I used to..

  7. I can relate. I know that for me, I tend to have a feeling of entitlement when it comes to spending, almost like I’m saying that at my age, with how hard I work, I deserve (x), even if I can’t afford it. This thinking is very dangerous, of course! So…I’ve tried to me mindful of it, and I’ve tried to reason myself out of making purchases, or if that doesn’t happen, finding deals.

  8. Oh my goodness. Isn’t going on buying streaks a symptom of bipolar disorder? I think what I tend to focus on when I’m stressed is food. Not the healthiest, but I think it might be a bit cheaper. 😉

  9. Pingback: Too many starts… | Zazazu

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