It is 10:02 p.m. and I just finished my first NaYoPracMo practice of the challenge/ New Year. Yes, it would be fair to say that I would have preferred to get it in earlier, this morning, for example, but that didn’t happen. Yes, it would also be fair to say that I’m disappointed in myself about this because there is no good reason that it didn’t happen earlier in the day. But, perhaps, that is part of the lesson I’m to learn from NaYoPracMo.
I think that now would be a good time for me to pause and set forth what I really want to get from NaYoPracMo, what I want to come about. As blogged earlier today (when I should have been doing yoga), I have falled off the yoga wagon in a bad way the latter part of this year. This is due to many reasons, but the main ones are a huge lack of discipline about yoga (and most other things in my life) and an overwhelming feeling of guilt about my yoga practice. This guilt – what I call “Yoga Guilt” – has been a constant in my life almost since I learned about yoga. I feel so crushingly guilty when I miss a practice and, even in those MONTHS that I didn’t do yoga at the end of last year, I felt that guilt daily, painstakingly, keenly. It never left me. I thought about it constantly.
So then, my goal with NaYoPracMo is to simply get to the mat, practice in some form, ANY form and ANY length at least several times each week. My goal is to re-establish my practice, re-establish some discipline with it and do away with the debilitating guilt that I have come to associate with yoga.
To be clear, this re-establishment won’t involve anything in depth or elaborate. If I tried that route, I would fail. I know myself too well for that. So then, I’ve just done twenty-minutes of a YogaZone DVD (I do not have access to a yoga class where I live). I feel like people will read that I practiced to a YogaZone DVD and gasp – “YogaZone?!? How simplistic! How stodgy! How – DOES NOT COUNT!!” I’m riddled with guilt even over that. I’m guilty if I do and guilty if I don’t. This has to be overcome.
But, practice I did, no matter what it was with or what the hour. I got out my mat, I got on it and I practiced, which is what counts for me in this timely challenge. And, the practice was good. I was astonished at how much balance I had lost since doing yoga last, how that part of me had deteriorated. It made me wonder what other areas of balance had spiraled with it. It is no secret that I need balance in many areas of my life; perhaps re-attaining it in this area will be the catalyst to re-attain it in other areas. I can only hope.
My hips were unflatteringly tight and creaky. My back popped in about four-thousand places about four-thousand times. My foot wouldn’t jump to meet my other foot quite as spryly as it once had, my shoulder blades felt like a uni-blade, my knees were a bit wobbly and my breathing was a bit belabored but… I got it done. I practiced. I did it and that, at least for tonight, is what counts.
I can hope and I can have faith that all of my tomorrows will be better for all of those things. The first hurdle is establishing the discipline. And I’m very thankful to NaYoPracMo for the gentle reminder and the very welcome jumpstart.
Perhaps tomorrow I will actually practice before 10:00 p.m.
One aside before I log off, my cat Delali loved my practicing again. She wove herself under my body as I was in Down Dog, she stretched herself up and onto my back as I was in a lunge, she frolicked and purred through the entire practice, right beside me. Perhaps she needs more yoga in her life too.
Namaste.
Karen Beth 🙂
P.S. Can anyone tell me the best version / edition of the Yoga Sutras? Thanks!
Zazazu 
I’m reading The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali by Georg Feuerstein as part of my teacher training, but I have to say that my brain doesn’t absorb half of what it’s reading in there.
So far, I have found Light on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (Iyengar) much easier to read and more set in concrete life. Haven’t read Iyengar’s book as thoroughly yet, though. But I’d go with that one.
Have a good NaYoPracMo!
Don’t be so hard on yourself sweetie. You got your practice in, way to go! You can do it 🙂
Argh! I’m always hard on myself! Always! That is just a part of who I am, unfortunately. 😦
I am reading Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras for my Yoga teacher training but it is definitely a book you have to keep reading over. There is a lot to think about & whether you do Yoga @ home or a studio, you are still doing it so don’t beat yourself up about it.
KB –
You need to make another new resolution… be like a duck and let things slide off your back. Stop worrying so much about what other people think. It’s truly not important!
Be the best YOU you can be…that’s the only thing you need to live up to. If you do that, than you should be happy no matter what other people think.
I’m proud of you for getting this in, no matter what the time. The important thing is that YOU DID IT! Yay!
Kristen – I know that you are right about this. It isn’t so much my caring what other people think as it is how hard I am on myself about everything, whether others know or not. I need to learn to practice a bit of self-love but it is hard for me. I simply do not know how to stop being so hard on myself about EVERYTHING!
Argh!
I get that “yoga guilt” as well. I also get “yoga stress,” as my coworkers call it. But I have to agree with you and all the others. You took time out for your yoga practice, time to breathe, time for yourself. That’s the best thing you can do for yourself, regardless of whether you’re in a class, watching a DVD, or just making it all up in your head! Way to go!
Thanks, Jennasuz. I was beginning to wonder if I was alone in my “yoga guilt”. What comes with your “yoga stress”? I may have that too and not know it! Thanks for the positive reinforcement though… it helps!