This day.

Oh my wow.  Today has been such a super-duper-amazing day that I just had to pause and write it all out.  The universe blesses me so richly.

Today was payday which is always nice and it was the first day that it has really and truly felt like fall.  A crisp hint of apple cider and sweaters and boots danced all around me as I walked Tessie.  Love that.

My Mom brought me a pumpkin pie soy latte (no foam) to work this morning which was such a yummy and perfect treat.  My friend Zack took me to lunch at one of my favorite places in town and my friend Sopa who owns this restaurant made up the most scrummy vegan curry vegetable dish ever.  Also, the proprietor of the new cafe across the street from my office stopped in today and let me know that she would have vegan ice cream options as well as vegan lunch options including vegan “chickn” salad and vegan hotdogs.  I’m so stoked on this.  Things for me to eat!  Wahoo!

I also got this gorgeous painting in the mail today and am so absolutely in love with it.  I love adding to my original art collection.  In other Etsy news, I’m only four sales away from 1,800!  Hooray!

I went after work and got a lovely new light for my kitchen; home improvement stores always make me so happy.  I met up with Mom there and we went to Goodwill where I found a fabulous old skinny spindle shelf and a glass ale beaker with a wooden stand.  I’ve been wanting one of those to put flowers in so… score!  After Goodwill, Mom and I went to have sushi for dinner and now I have a nice, full belly. 

I also decided this week to take up making mini-books as a new hobby.  I have ordered a starter kit and a Crop-a-Dile mamma-jamma hole puncher.  I love books, love journaling and love saving every piece of paper that comes my way so why not combine those loves?  I’ll be posting more about this later.

However, the biggest piece of news from today… I can’t tell yet.  I want to!!!  But, I have to keep it under wraps a bit longer.  Just suffice it to say that this outstanding piece of mystery news really put my good day over the top to amazingly outstanding today!

(I’ll give you a hint:  I’m not getting married nor have I fallen in love [with a human anyway… I held a super-cute dog this afternoon…].  Just didn’t want any of you getting away with yourselves.  Ha!)

I’ve got a fun-filled weekend planned starting with a visit from family on Friday night and a trip to Memphis for the Cooper-Young Festival on Saturday.

Next week will be wonderfully busy as I’m going to Nashville see my exchange “sister” who is visiting from Germany on Wednesday and Thursday and then going to the coast for a conference starting Saturday.

Can you tell?  I’m a lucky girl.  Life is good.  ❤

NineEleven.

Here’s the thing.  I don’t want to see pictures of what happened ten years ago today.  I don’t want to think about such a senseless act of hatred.

I believe in love.
I believe in peace.
And I believe that love and peace are possible.

I do not believe in war.  Under any circumstance.  Hatred and violence is never an answer to anything.

I believe that love and peace should extend to all beings and the world around us too, not just to fellow humans.  We are all one, we all should live as one, and when more people start to realize this, I think it will become more and more possible.

That is my wish and my hope.

Don’t dwell in sadness and hatred.

&

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”  ~ Jimi Hendrix “The greatest tragedy in mankind’s entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion.” ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Thinking things over… and over thinking things.

I’ve been overthinking things today.  Bad.

This cute cartoon isn’t to say at all that I’m not happy.  It is, however, to say for sure that I’m an overthinker.

I’ve not even really been thinking about things I need to get done or items I need to put on some list.  I’ve been thinking things like why the computer doesn’t work any faster than it does, why it doesn’t work as fast as it should and why I get so frustrated by that.

I’ve been mourning things I can’t change like what Tessa’s life might have been like before she came to live with me and how her coming to live with me might have negatively affected Delali.  I’ve been wondering if Delali feels neglected since Tess – being a dog – requires and demands so much attention and my heart breaks by that (more than) a little.

I’ve been wishing that I could do something to improve the lives of every animal on this planet, that every one of them could be as happy as my babies act and that maybe if I think hard enough I could figure out how to make that possible.

I’ve been wondering if I wasted $60 recently on a “new venture” and if I’d waste another $15 by buying a rain slicker for Tessa.

I’ve been wondering how it is possible that part of me is so incredibly sensitive and tenderhearted and another part is cynical and misanthropic and totally impatient and actually wishes that I said the f-word.   (I mean, who wishes that!??)

I’ve been pondering – to great depths – how it is that other people can see things as they see them so clearly when to me, they are the furthest thing from sensible that I can fathom.   I’ve been wondering why people go where they aren’t wanted or speak when it isn’t appropriate or generally do other falling-down-stupid things.

I’ve been trying to understand how people think they can make a difference in the world by being cruel and judgmental and condescending.  I’ve also been trying to figure out how anyone feels that they have any right or authority to be either of those things.

I’ve been wondering when my house will be clean and when my head will stop hurting and when I will finally feel rested and when I’ll stop being sad that fall is over when it has only just begun and when I will make pretty things and do the things on the list that has no end.

I’ve been trying to decide if I will always feel like I’m in something of a state of limbo and if I will always live waiting for some other shoe to drop but not really knowing what that shoe is.

I’ve been wondering how much to let the inevitable things like death and loneliness affect me on an everyday basis as I seem to already do.

I’ve been trying to talk down the intense drive in me to list more in my Etsy store and sell, sell, sell so that I can make money for I’m not really sure what.  I’ve been wondering what it is that I always feel like I’m forgetting.

And, with all this over-thinking, the list really does get longer and the computer that is my brain works more slowly.  What I need to talk down is all this over-thinking.

Pierced.

It has been a LONG time since I’ve had my ears pierced.  I’ve had them done twice now and let them grow up each time.  They got infected and I just didn’t want to fool with it and blah blah.

But, I’m kind of wanting them done again and this is why:

(Click photo to see listing.)

I absolutely love these huge earrings that look kind of like gauges.  Especially those turquoise hoops.  How fabulous are they?  So, I’m trying to decide if they are worth being pierced again.  Will keep you posted.

Updated:  This post was started on June 30 and it is now August 30 and I’m still thinking about it.  I’m not scared at all of the pain, I’m scared of the change of not having pierced ears for so long and suddenly having them again. 

Let me just cut to the chase and say… I’m scared of change.  Period.

A bit of everything.

I’ve been cleaning out stuff today.  Like, in an epic way.  It has kicked my arse but also been very rewarding.  I’ve listed some, put some in a box for the clothing swap, but some in a box for the trash, and so forth.  I’ve also been marking things WAY down in my store so that I can move some stuff out o’da house.  (Word.)  Also, if there’s something in there that you fancy and want to make me an offer, let me know.  Especially the stuff that’s been listed awhile; not so much the newer listings.

So, that’s all good.

The thing I love about cleaning out – especially in the wardrobe department – is that it really lets you see what your style currently is.  For an example, my style now is hippie-yoga-chic.  Nothing that has to be ironed; knit jersey is best.  Nothing that makes my top half look bigger than it really is. 

Leggings… gone.  Too tight… gone.  Tribal… gone (well, except for that fabulous 2x vest cape thing I scored at Goodwill not long ago… I promise it’s better than it sounds.)  Hoity-toity businessy… gone.  486 t-shirts… gone. 

And I’ve not even STARTED on the closet yet.

Oh yes, that feels good.

So hopefully when I arise on Monday morning and head off to get dressed, I’ll have a nicely organized selection of things that are my current style.  It is just amazing to me how much we (er… I) accumulate over the course of even a few months.  Shocking, really.  I seriously think I have a little bit of everything.  Or, HAD a little bit of everything.

I did organize my bathroom closet and I’m rather proud of it.

I went through jewelry, toiletries and all that good stuff and I was ruthless!  Yay!  I got rid of all the leather and feathers which was important to me.  Those aren’t fashion to me anymore.

I’m still working on the epic clean but at least it is getting done, no matter how slowly.  I’m stoked.

In other news, I’ve got some linkie love to share.

Firstly, Project Backsplash has a Facebook page!  Please like it to keep up with news about the project and tiles that I get in from all over the world!

Secondly, this video is pretty darn funny.  What would we do without streakers in this world to lighten the mood in the face of a hurricane?  (The funniest part, actually, is how rattled the newscaster gets.)

This… is an AMAZING article.  So worth a read… Minds of Their Own.

I ran all my eye makeup reading this because I was laughing so hard.  Especially the one near the bottom about Nickelback… What office complaints look like when you have the world’s most brilliantly obnoxious coworker.

My favorite quote of the week:

It is odd that we have so little relationship with nature, with the insects and the leaping frog, and the owl that hoots among the hills calling for its mate. We never seem to have a feeling for all living things on the earth. If we could establish a deep, abiding relationship with nature, we would never kill an animal for our appetite, we would never harm, vivisect, a monkey, a dog, a guinea pig for our benefit. We would find other ways to heal our wounds, heal our bodies. But the healing of the mind is something totally different. That healing gradually takes place if you are with nature, with that orange on the tree, and the blade of grass that pushes through the cement, and the hills covered, hidden, by the clouds.

~ Krishnamurti 

Amazing words.  Give me chills.  Found on this lovely blog.

This video also gives me chills.  I’ve loved DMB for a LONG time but had never seen this video.  Gorgeous.  The setting, the tones, the music, the water, especially the rain.  Love it.  Love everything about it.  Love love love.

(I ❤ Boyd.)  I found this video on this lovely blog today.

And lastly, my Green Queen article came out in the newspaper magazine incerpt today and I liked it all over again.  Even better, the English teacher down the street told me that I was an “excellent” writer and that she would have given me highest marks for the piece today.  So… I passed!  Wahoo!

Oh, and other good things from today… Watermelon, fresh pears, vegan hotdogs, matcha tea and a banana pepper on my little pepper plant!  Happy Saturday to me… and everyone else too!  ❤

Somnambulism.

Do you know what that is without Googling it?  Well, my life likely holds few distinctions but I actually HAVE somnambulism.  I’m a sleepwalker. 

Actually, I sleep strangely in general.  I have nightmares at least several times per week, night terrors, night paralysis, I talk in my sleep – don’t ever call me on the phone when I might be sleeping as I will certainly have a conversation with you, only it will be about odd things that make no sense like blue cows and the number 486. 

My Mother caught me trying to get out the front door when I was three years old.  I was sound asleep.  Since then she has had to gently lead me back to bed all through my childhood and even into my teen years.  Doctor after doctor told us that I would outgrow it but… that hasn’t happened yet.  I’m 35 now and I still sleepwalk.

How do I know?

Oddly, I have a strange “aura” the morning after I’ve been up and about in my sleep.  So, I go and look around to find the tell-tale signs and I normally do:  all my lotion bottles taken from the bathroom and lined up on the mantle in the living room, four dining room chairs lined in front of the door, food on the kitchen counter, etc.  And sometimes I know I’ve been up and about because I’m somewhere besides where I went to sleep.  I’ve awakened in front of the refrigerator, in the shower (with it on), and – scariest of all, I think – in a downstairs closet with the door closed and locked, curled up in the corner behind some boxes (this happened many years ago when I lived in TN.)  I also once pulled a sink off the wall and had no idea until I was awakened and told what I had done (normally, I would NOT have the strength to rip a sink off a wall and wouldn’t anyway!)

This is all bad enough, yes, but the absolute scariest bits for me are the terrors at night: those times when I have a nightmare and try to wake myself up and can’t move my voice or my body.  Unlike sleepwalking when I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, I’m keenly aware of things when I have night terrors. 

And that’s what brought this issue to my mind at this particular time.  Yesterday I fell asleep when I got home from work.  I got too hot and began to have a terrible dream and finally woke up sobbing uncontrollably.  This happens more than sometimes.  When this happens, I’m not only scared from waking up in such a manner, but I’m upset to a point I can’t even explain.  It is like the worst part of everything that has ever collected in my subconscious coming to the forefront of my mind and it is such a feeling that I can’t explain it or get away from it. 

So, I do sleep very oddly, to say the least.  I keep hoping to outgrow it but… is there still hope for that?

And for those who will say that it is dangerous… well, yes, I mean… I know that.  But, I also know nothing to do about it.

So, there’s your word for the day:  somnambulism. 

I just hope it won’t be my word for the night.

Incidentally, not all of it is negative.  I have amazing ideas while I’m sleeping and am very good at making mental lists of things I need to do the next day while I sleep and… get this… remembering them!  And, when the big earthquake hit Illinois in 2008, I had a dream of an earthquake, woke up, looked at the clock and it was 4:38 a.m.  I told my Mom the next morning that there had been a bad earthquake and, sure enough, the IL one had happened at 4:37 a.m.  So, some of it is pretty neat but a lot of it is definitely not.

Always something…

… to be thankful for.

I spent the better part of last night and all of this morning fairly well discouraged and bummed out.  I have something of a mold problem in the hallway in my house and was really anxious and worried that I would need a new roof or all new insulation or something big and expensive like that.

Instead of just settling in to wait for someone to check it out, I got pretty down thinking about what it might cost and how I would never have enough money for a rainy day fund or enough money for some “leisure” spending or enough money to take a trip of any sort or enough money to…

Enough.
Enough.
Enough.

Seriously, ENOUGH.

Enough is one of those words that can be really really good or really really bad but you have to make it either one. 
 

I won’t lie: I wallowed in the bad side of enough this morning.  But, when I put my big girl panties on and realize all the things I have to be thankful for, I can’t help but be squarely on the good side of enough.

• Mornings starting to feel like fall
• Good coffee… from Dollar General
• My Mom bringing me sushi for dinner…
• Leftover sushi for lunch today
• Getting to see my friend Lisa first thing this morning
• The two gorgeous trees in my front yard
• The nap I’m about to take
• My journal
• A clean car (at least on the outside)
• Salads made with raw corn
• Getting a FALL magazine in the mail today!
• Guest posts
• My TofuExpress (review coming in the next couple of days)
• Already having some of my Christmas shopping done
• A roof over my head
• A fridge full of food
• Healthy (fur)babies
• Being ALIVE
• Being ME
• Becoming ME

SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo much to be thankful for… this blog isn’t big enough.

So now I’m pretty well pleased as punch.  And that’s a good thing.

Meanwhile: a Project Backsplash explanation…

On April 1, 2009, I posted a request for tiles to complete a fun little backsplash idea I had and named “Project Backsplash”.

Here is the original post.

This little idea of mine took off very well and got coverage on several blogs including RandomLustings (who was a bit forthcoming in her thought that it might be a tee-total disaster :)), RhinestonesandTelephones, StumbleUpon, and TheKitchn (HOORAY!!!!)   Thanks to all of you for including my project on your blogs!!

I got a good many tiles from all over the place:  Many from the US, Canada, Italy, Russia, France and Australia.  So excited and I really have an amazing array.

But, Project Backsplash still isn’t installed and it is, as you know, August 2011.  Embarrassing, no?  Well, yes, it is.

My kitchen at Christmas... clearly no backsplash here.

(The kitchen, pictured above, is a lot better than it was in the first Project Backsplash post but I’m still oh-so-eager to get the backsplash installed and brighted it up!  This picture was taken right before a Christmas party, hence the decorations and it being so clean.)

I do have at least a moderately good excuse though:  I had pretty big surgery right after I posted that (literally, two months to the day after) and had a pretty long recovery.  And, since that time, well, I’ve been doing other stuff around the house (refinishing floors, building bookcases, tearing out the bathroom and putting it back in).  So, sadly, the backsplash has kind of been put on the back burner.   

But, I’m determined to get it done soon but need a few more tiles!  I have some “filler” tiles that I’ve bought here and there but I’d love some more tiles from you all, if you will! 

So, please please send a tile (or more if you like!) of any size, color, pattern, patina, origin, whatever!  Just tile!  (It does need to be square but otherwise, no restrictions!)  I would appreciate them so much! 

(The original post says that they need to be 4×4 inches but I’ve since revised that.  They can be fit together no matter their size as long as they are square.)

My hope is STILL to have a lovely eclectic, mish-mash backsplash from all over the world! So… Please send tiles!

Send tiles to:

Zazazu – Project Backsplash
P.O. Box 373
Corinth, MS 38834

And please PLEASE share the word about Project Backsplash with your friends!

Happy mail day to me.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love getting mail?  Have I ever mentioned how much I love paperbackswap.com?  Well, I do, and got a very happy mail day today thanks to them.

I’ve been on the lookout for a copy of A Course in Miracles for an age and had it on my auto-request wish list on paperbackswap but I never really thought someone would give up a copy of this amazing book.

But they did!  And I got it!  And it arrived today!  And I’m so geeked up!

And the packaging was so amazing!  The front was covered with folk art quilt stamps!  I love that and had to share.

Isn’t it lovely?  And inside…

I’m so excited to finally have this book!  I’ve heard amazing things about it and can’t wait to start reading it.  It is fairly large (kind of Bible-like) and I’ve read that it is best to go through it slowly so I will read a chapter today and see from there.

Do you love Happy Mail?
Are you on paperbackswap.com?
Have you read A Course in Miracles?

Hooray for Mail Love!

Too many starts…

… not enough finishes.

I wrote last week about the unsettling realization that spending money has become my recreation.   I’ve been thinking a lot about that particular phrase and, while it is still unsettling, it has brought me to some other GOOD (i.e. not unsettling) realizations.

I realize that I tend to delight in planning projects but that I love the buying-of-supplies part more than the actual doing-the-project part.  While this is only a part of the spending as recreation problem, it is greatly proven by my Etsy buying history.  I decided to go back and look to see how many of my past Etsy purchases had been meant for a project of some sort of another.

I’m not going into all of this in order to put myself down or make any sort of confession.  I’m going into it as a way of revisiting what I had once planned and decide whether or not to follow through with it at this point.  If I decide to NOT do the project, no shame.  I’ve simply changed my mind about it and that is okay too.

The overall realization here is that I want creation to be my recreation instead of spending.  I want to endeavor to MAKE what I see that I want instead of buying it, if at all possible.  And what better place to start than finishing up some old projects or moving them off my plate entirely?

So, here we go… Things I’ve bought on Etsy that were meant for some sort of project…

Things that I need to have framed (these are two of a great many):

Journals I’ve never written in:

(The one above is actually an old sketchbook.)

Printables I’ve never used:

I meant to try my hand at ACEO oil painting with these:

I meant to make a rug or a throw pillow with these:

Wheatgrass for my baby girl?  I’ve got the seeds but…

Dresses I meant to alter and wear:

I’ve long since had a plan for a backsplash but have yet to actually do it.  This is one of the tiles I meant to use:

Beads I meant to do something with… not sure what:

Stamps I never used:

Patterns I’ve not used… (folks, I don’t even sew!!):

Bread I’ve not baked:

Fabric I’ve not made anything with:

Very old Christmas fabric… Isn’t it lovely?

Why yes, those ARE both Marimekko fabrics.

Spells I’ve not cast:

And these little cards… I bought these meaning to send one out each month to invite someone I’d like to be better friends with or someone I didn’t really know at all to coffee to make more friends and acquaintances.  They are adorable… vintage, brown, quaint, lovely.  And, not one has been sent.

And finally, this chipboard book.  I got it meaning to make a 2011 planner out of it but then didn’t do that.  Then I thought about using it for a sort of “vision board book” and still toy with that idea.  Whatever I use it for, it is so great.  Good for so many things!  Planner, journal, vision board book, scrapbook, sketchbook, whatever… I definitely want to put it to some sort of creative use.

If I need anything to decorate such a book with, Lord knows I have that too.  This is just a small collage of journal tags I’ve bought over the years.  I love them and do use them a good bit but – wow – I think I’m set for a good long while on journal tags.

Okay, so, I feel a bit exposed now.  Whew.  To be clear, these purchases were over the course of the whole time I’ve been on Etsy and I joined in 2006.  But still… it proves that I need to follow through with the projects I start, right?

Right.

I know I want to do something with the chipboard book, the tile, have the framing done, send the cards and use the fabric.  But some of the others?  The sewing patterns, some of the journals (I really prefer Moleskines now anyway), the printables, the ACEOs, the dresses to refashion (the first one anyway), some of the beads,  the bread starter?  I’m not sure that I don’t want to just move those off my plate.

I do love the clarity that going back through has given me.  It makes me feel like I have a place to start with getting some things finished.  I don’t have that overwhelming feeling that I need to finish it all.  I feel like weeding some of it through has given me permission to pick which projects fit me at this point in time.  And that feels good.

Now… which should I start to finish first?